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One Day You’ll Realise You Haven’t Thought About Your Stoma, Ostomy

The quiet moment that told me I had my life back

There was no fanfare.

No fireworks.

No magical morning where I woke up and thought, “That’s it. I’m back to normal.”

In fact, I can’t tell you the exact day it happened because I simply don’t know.

What I do know is this…

One day, I realised I’d spent hours enjoying myself and I hadn’t thought about my stoma, ostomy once.

That might not sound like much if you’ve never lived with a stoma, ostomy.

But if you’ve recently had surgery, or you’re still recovering physically and emotionally, you’ll understand exactly why that moment mattered.

Because in the beginning, your stoma, ostomy is everything.

It feels as though your whole world revolves around it.

Is it healing properly?

Is it bleeding?

Does it look the right colour?

Is the bag stuck down properly?

Has it leaked?

Is it making noises?

Can people see it?

Can they smell it?

Will it burst?

Will I ever trust it?

Your mind never seems to switch off.

It is mentally exhausting.

Emotionally draining.

And physically tiring.

I know because I lived it.

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Healing isn’t just about your body

When people talk about recovering from surgery, they often focus on scars healing.

But there is another type of healing that takes much longer.

Your confidence.

Your trust.

Your relationship with your own body.

When my second ileostomy was formed, I was constantly checking everything.

Was the flange cut to the right size?

Would it stick?

Would it leak?

My stoma was swollen after surgery, just as many are, so every bag change felt like another lesson.

I was learning all over again.

At first, it honestly felt like a full-time job.

Then there’s the food.

The beige diet.

The endless trial and error.

Watching food race through your body before you’ve barely finished eating it.

Nobody really prepares you for seeing that.

Or for how strange it feels.

The bowel is a funny thing.

Actually, that’s not true.

It’s a stroppy thing.

My consultant and stoma nurse always used to say that the bowel hates being touched.

Move it during surgery and it sulks.

And they were right.

It takes time.

Sometimes much longer than we’d like.

The biggest change wasn’t me…

It was my bag.

People often ask me what helped me stop thinking about my stoma, ostomy all the time.

The answer might surprise you.

It wasn’t positive thinking.

It wasn’t pretending everything was okay.

It was finding the right bag system.

For me, that was a two-piece system with a Manuka honey flange.

Once I trusted it to stay in place, something incredible happened.

I stopped checking it every five minutes.

I wasn’t worrying whether it would lift or leak.

I wasn’t constantly wondering if everyone else could see it.

I trusted it.

That trust gave me freedom.

During the day I wear a smaller bag.

At night I swap to a larger one so I can sleep for seven or eight hours.

That one small routine completely changed my sleep.

It also changed my confidence.

Because I wasn’t reacting to my bag anymore.

I was making the decisions.

I was back in control.

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The day life quietly became bigger than my stoma, ostomy

Like I said…

There wasn’t one special day.

Instead, life slowly crept back in.

Family days out.

Garden centres.

Walks.

Markets.

The theatre.

Meeting friends.

Picking up my grandsons.

Stopping for ice cream.

Driving wherever we fancied.

One day my husband needed the toilet before I did.

That made me laugh.

Before my surgery, I was the one planning every motorway service station.

Now he’s the one wriggling around in the driver’s seat while I’m quite happy looking at the scenery.

Life has a funny way of changing.

My grandson reminded me how far I’d come

Recently, my grandson and I decided to go for a walk with my son’s big Rottweiler.

It was supposed to be six miles.

It somehow turned into seven and a half.

Typical.

The dog decided that on a warm day he needed to be in loads of  water that belonged to him.

At one point he confidently jumped over a four-foot wall to get into the water.

Then stood there looking completely baffled because he couldn’t get back out.

The expression on his face was priceless.

Thankfully he followed me until he found somewhere easier to climb out.

Later, he launched himself into a canal convinced it was shallow.

It wasn’t.

Again, the look on his face made us laugh.

My grandson, who is usually the first to complain that his legs hurt, walked the entire seven and a half miles without a single moan.

Eventually I asked him,

“Are your legs hurting?”

He looked at me and said,

“Are you psychic?”

I laughed and replied,

“No… mine are!”

Those are the moments I treasure.

Not because they’re extraordinary.

Because years ago I couldn’t have done any of it.

I wouldn’t even have dared plan it.

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The places that make me smile

That same walk took us to a canal tunnel I’d wanted to visit for years.

Years.

It wasn’t famous.

It wasn’t expensive.

It wasn’t somewhere people travel across the country to see.

But it mattered to me.

And sharing it with my grandson made it even more special.

Those ordinary moments have become extraordinary because there was a time I thought I’d never have them again.

Now I smile when I hear birds singing.

I smile watching my grandsons discovering nature.

I smile when someone gets to know my Rottweiler instead of judging him because of his breed.

He’s the softest dog you’ll ever meet.

People often cross the road when they first see him.

Five minutes later they’re rubbing his tummy.

There’s a lesson in that.

Sometimes what we’re frightened of turns out to be something beautiful once we get to know it.

Rather like a stoma, ostomy.

The things I don’t think about anymore

People sometimes ask me what I think about all day.

Honestly?

Not my stoma, ostomy.

I think about creating beautiful lingerie.

I think about helping people.

I think about my family.

My business.

Walking the dogs.

Learning something new.

Listening to music.

Watching comedy programmes.

Wondering whether my husband is going to try talking me into another takeaway.

Planning where we’re going to walk next.

Eating gluten-free cake.

Yes…

I definitely have a sweet tooth.

My stoma, ostomy hardly gets a look in.

Not because it disappeared.

Because life became bigger than it.

What if your stoma, ostomy feels like it controls your life?

If that’s how you’re feeling today, I completely understand.

I’ve been there.

But I would ask you one question.

How exactly is it controlling your life?

Is it because you don’t yet trust your bag?

Have you found the right system?

Are you worried about leaks?

Do you feel embarrassed about noises?

Do you think everyone is looking at you?

Sometimes it’s not the stoma, ostomy controlling your life.

It’s fear.

Fear is loud.

Fear tells you to stay home.

Fear tells you not to trust yourself.

Fear tells you not to make plans.

But confidence doesn’t arrive before you live your life.

Confidence grows because you live it.

Every walk.

Every coffee.

Every trip to the shops.

Every meal out.

Every little success teaches your brain,

“I can do this.”

My stoma, ostomy gave me something I never expected

When I first had my surgery, I hated it.

I couldn’t imagine ever being grateful.

Now?

I honestly am.

Not because it was easy.

Not because I wanted it.

Because it gave me my life back.

It gave me freedom.

It gave me purpose.

It gave me this business.

It introduced me to thousands of incredible people living with a stoma, ostomy.

It allowed me to combine everything I’d learned throughout my career helping people with my own lived experience.

It gave me a voice.

A voice I didn’t know I had.

If you’re reading this today…

Perhaps you’ve recently had surgery.

Perhaps you’re sitting at home convinced life will never feel normal again.

Please hear me.

One day you’ll realise you’ve spent hours laughing.

Hours walking.

Hours chatting.

Hours making memories.

And your stoma, ostomy won’t have crossed your mind once.

Not because you’ve forgotten it.

Because you’ve started living again.

Your bag is part of you.

It is not all of you.

You are still the person who loves, laughs, dreams, learns, explores, and creates memories.

You just poo in a different way.

And do you know what?

That’s absolutely okay.

You’ve Got This 🌹

There will be difficult days.

There will probably be leaks.

There will definitely be noises.

There may even be moments when your bag decides to join a conversation at exactly the wrong time!

But there will also be laughter.

Family walks that go on much longer than planned.

Ice creams.

Birdsong.

Grandchildren.

Friends.

Adventure.

Purpose.

And one beautiful day, without even noticing when it happened, you’ll realise something wonderful.

Your life has become bigger than your stoma, ostomy.

And that’s the day you truly start living again. 🌹