“You’re so strong.”

How many times have you heard that since getting your stoma, ostomy?

At first, it can feel like a compliment. People mean well when they say it. However, after a while, those words can become heavy. Because when people see you as “the strong one,” they often stop looking deeper.

They assume you are coping.

They assume you have it all handled.

They assume you do not need help.

Yet the truth can be very different.

As someone living with an ileostomy myself, I know exactly how this feels. There were times when I was drowning internally while still smiling externally. I had worked a lot out. I had routines. I had coping mechanisms. I knew how to manage leaks, sore skin, exhaustion, anxiety and the emotional rollercoaster that can come with a bag stuck to your tummy.

But even then, life still knocked me sideways sometimes.

Feelings creep up quietly.

One difficult comment.

One leak at the wrong time.

One hospital appointment.

One look in the mirror where you suddenly do not recognise yourself.

And suddenly the “strong one” feels exhausted.

The hardest part?

When I did ask for support, people often missed it completely. Some thought I was joking. Others assumed, “She’ll be alright, she always is.”

That can feel incredibly lonely.

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Strength Is Not Staying Silent

For a long time, I thought strength meant handling everything myself. Pushing through. Carrying on. Smiling anyway.

Now I see it differently.

Strength is knowing when you need support.

Strength is saying:
“I’m struggling.”

Strength is reaching out before you completely burn out emotionally.

Strength is allowing someone to walk beside you instead of carrying everything alone.

These days, when someone tells me I am strong, I gently correct them. I tell them:
“I just found a way through it.”

Because there is a difference.

Being strong does not mean you never struggle.

It means you keep looking for solutions, support and ways forward even when things feel difficult.

The Quiet Ones Often Need the Most Support

You have probably heard the saying:
“Still waters run deep.”

That was me.

Quietly overthinking.

Quietly worrying.

Quietly grieving parts of my old life.

Quietly trying to hold everything together.

And honestly? Sometimes it still is me.

The difference now is that I know what support I need and where to find it.

Not everyone has that knowledge yet.

That is why I created my support, mentoring and courses around living with a stoma, ostomy. Not from textbooks. Not from theory. But from lived experience.

There is something powerful about talking to someone who truly understands the hidden side of this life.

The fears.

The embarrassment.

The body confidence struggles.

The anxiety before leaving the house.

The emotional exhaustion of always having to think ahead.

The frustration when people say:
“At least you’re alive.”

Yes, we are grateful to be alive. But we are also allowed to admit that this journey can be emotionally hard too.

Both can exist together.

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“But I Should Be Able To Handle This Myself”

This is one of the biggest objections I hear.

So let me ask you something…

Would you expect someone with a broken leg to heal without support, guidance or rehabilitation?

No.

So why do we expect ourselves to emotionally heal alone after major surgery, trauma and life-changing adjustments?

Living with a stoma, ostomy is not just physical.

It affects identity.

Confidence.

Relationships.

Intimacy.

Mental health.

Daily routines.

Your sense of safety in your own body.

Support is not weakness.

Support is strategy.

“I Don’t Have The Time”

I understand this one deeply because when you are exhausted mentally and physically, everything feels overwhelming.

However, the truth is this:
When we do not make time for our emotional wellbeing, eventually our emotional wellbeing will force us to stop.

You do not need hours every day.

Sometimes one conversation, one mentoring session or one course module can completely change how you view yourself and your future.

Small steps still move you forward.

“I’ve Started Courses Before And Never Finished Them”

Please hear this clearly…

You are not a failure.

Sometimes people do not finish courses because:

• They were unsupported
• They felt overwhelmed
• The teaching did not connect emotionally
• They were trying to survive rather than learn

My approach is different because I understand the emotional side of living with a stoma, ostomy.

This is not about perfection.

This is about progress.

Even one lesson that helps you sleep better, panic less or feel more confident in your body can create massive changes in your life.

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“I Can’t Afford Support Right Now”

I completely understand finances can feel tight, especially after illness, surgery or time away from work.

However, I also want you to think about the cost of continuing to struggle alone.

The emotional cost.

The relationship strain.

The isolation.

The anxiety.

The constant overthinking.

Sometimes investing in support is not about spending money.

It is about choosing yourself again.

And that choice can change everything.

You Do Not Have To Carry This Alone

If you are the quiet one…

If everyone thinks you are coping…

If you smile while struggling internally…

If you keep saying “I’m fine” when you are exhausted emotionally…

I want you to know this:

You deserve support too.

Not because you are weak.

But because you are human.

Living with a stoma, ostomy can feel overwhelming at times, but you do not have to figure it all out alone. There are ways forward. There are tools that help. There is support that understands both the physical and emotional side of this journey.

And most importantly…

There is still so much life waiting for you beyond survival mode.

Are You Ready For Your Next Step?

Whether that is:

• 1-1 mentoring
• A course
• Emotional support
• Learning coping tools
• Building confidence again
• Feeling more like YOU

You do not have to wait until you completely fall apart before getting support.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply say:
“I’m ready to stop struggling alone.”

If this blog spoke to you, please share it with someone who needs to hear this today. You are far more supported than you realise 💜

Hosted by someone who’s lived it, not someone who read it in a textbook.

Hi I am Helinka Carr and have lived with an ileostomy following bowel cancer.

So I’ve been where you are.
I know the panic, the grief, the shock, the tears, the fear of living with this bag stuck to the tummy…

And I rebuilt myself, one tiny step at a time.

Now I help people do the same with compassion, humour, and real-life tools that work.

My Story Short & Real 💪

I’m Helinka Carr. In 2013, bowel cancer and surgery and treatment left me with an ileostomy. Life with a stoma, ostomy didn’t just change my body, it rocked my confidence, mindset, and sense of who I was.

I didn’t want to just “get by.” I wanted to feel good in my body again. When I couldn’t find anything that helped me feel confident or feminine, I made it myself.

I support people emotionally and mentally as a clinical hypnotherapist and therapist, helping calm anxiety, rebuild confidence, and feel safe in their bodies again. Plus I have designed specialised stoma, ostomy lingerie that covers the bag with elegance, beautiful and pretty.I found that I couldn’t find such lingerie when I first had my bag.

You are not alone. And life can  be and will still feel good 💖